Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
