we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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