i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
