I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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