I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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