What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
