his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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