I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
