I cannot find my penis.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize