Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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