my phone needs a breathalizer
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
