nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
