we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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