Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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