just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
