If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
