The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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