It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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