Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
this beer tastes like vomit already
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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