ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
