we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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