drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
