If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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