hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
