If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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