i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
