Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
