She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
