i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
