I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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