Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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