Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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