I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
