sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize