girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
