I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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