I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
