He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
