awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just pee around me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
