How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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