All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I would fuck him just for his dog
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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