Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I faked an abortion last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
