i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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