My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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