Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you had me at cake vodka
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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