I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
