Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
