My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
