that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
