I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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