are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
