u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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