TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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