mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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