I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
