fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
