Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
