I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
