found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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