if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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