I seem to have left my pride at pride
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
