so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
