And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
