If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
