dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
