Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
sarcasm needs its own font
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
