I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
