I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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