Already got asked if we're dating
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
