It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
