So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
