Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
