btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
