If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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