I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
